Ho, ho, ho, everyone! As the Holiday season is coming I'm here to save you from some serious head damage and bad mouth taste with the "Simple guide of the alcoholic: First Edition". As we all know - with holidays like Christmas and (especially) New Year waiting by the corner - we all tend to drink a bit more than we usually do (admit it, drunkards). And this is where I come, telling you what to drink, like I am your mother. Yes, cos actually I can.
1) Martini - Yes, George Clooney once said it : "No Martini, no party" and he was right. Martini is the old-known sophisticated drink for real BOSSES. With a cocktail cherry or a green olive on a stick, it immediately catches everyone's eyes with a high-shaped glass and it's classiness. It is just simply flirting with you from the moment the bartender serves it ably at the bar. It's quite of a big deal to walk in a sleek bar, set on a high bar stool and with a sly glance to whisper at the bartender: "A Martini, please", when he asks "A cherry or olive?". Purrr. If you're a man, better don't do it, of course. Or ask for an olive, it sounds more manly. Mostly, ask for your Martini to be served in a normal glass (not one with a high stem) before the bartender starts eyeing you...
2) Cuba Libre - Long live Che Guevara! No, seriously, have you tasted this drink? It's awesome. It's like a bubble alcohol party in your mouth. The simple combination between white/red rum, lemon juice and Coca-Cola makes this cocktail baby taste like Heaven. And it won't even get you drunk easily. One sip of this and you'll be feeling like Lana Del Rey on her prom night. ("My pussy tastes like Pepsi Colaaaa")
3) Dark beer - You don't like beer? Fine, but you'll love this. You haven't tasted a good beer, until you drank a dark beer, I'm telling you. No wonder beer factories only sell it when it's winter - this thing is a Christmas miracle. It tastes nothing like the ordinary beer, if it's properly made of course. My favorite one is called Zagorka Rezerva (Limited Edition) - a Bulgarian brand, combining the taste of berries (mostly blueberries) and caramel.. And it's still a beer!
- Don't drink
1) Margarita - Seriously, don't believe Carrie Bradshaw and every other bitch on TV, telling her friend "Let's make some Margaritas!" for their party. We all watched shows like "Desperate housewives", "Will & Grace" or "Sex and the city" united by one and the same thing/drink - Margarita. It sounds so damn tempting... But it's not. It has this nasty taste of something between bitterness and acid, that even the whole fire brigade can't suppress. No wonder it's served with lemon and salt - they're supposed to straighten the horrible Tequila taste in your mouth. (don't drink anything involving Tequila in case you wanna die) This drink should be used only in cases you're too desperate of your life. So if your boyfriend dumps you, or you finally realize there really won't be another Harry Potter book/movie - drown yourself in Margaritas. In other case - don't!
2) Mojito - Why so much lime, why?!?! Like all of the lemon juice inside wasn't enough, so they decided to add pieces of lemon in it. Mojito is basically a Cuban cocktail, containing mint leaves, white rum, lemon/lime, castor sugar (or a sugar cane syrup), sparkling water and ice(just to make it more watery than it already is). And I'm not saying it's the worst thing I've tried, but it's basically a SUPER sour water. Sour, I'm telling you. I still think that if it's properly made, with the right amounts of ingredients it might taste good. Or if you ask for less lemon and more sugar in it.
3) Bloody Mary - No wonder they named it on a chick who died brutally. I haven't tasted this cocktail myself, but I've lost any willingness for that after seeing my friend's (a boy) face while drinking it. Considering it contains Worcester sauce and Tabasco sauce, in a combination with vodka and celery, I could feel his pain. It doesn't sounds like something you want to drink. Also has tomato juice, lemon juice, salt, pepper and a lemon slice in it. In my opinion it has to taste bitterly and quite spicy, in his opinion - it tasted awful.
That was all from "Simple guide of the alcoholic: First Edition", folks! Listen to my drinking advices, or listen to your headache on the next morning!
*Served cold and with a lot of sarcasm... But seriously, don't drink that.